supertights: Gif of a cat driving a car (Taxicat.)
This doesn't feel like a tumblr thing so I'm posting here.

Warning: Offensive language and a none too pleasant look into my thoughts right now and lots of waffling.

The last six months to three years, I've felt old, like literally I don't have time for anybody's shit anymore either online or in real life. Before that, when people felt more than a bare tolerance for me, I had friends. I can't seem to connect anymore, tumblr is a problem because it's rife with that scroll and click 'like' mentality. The younger tumblr members seem to be in such a rush to get 'somewhere', who knows where that somewhere is, but I'm more a kind of wait and see where things go before I feel anything kind of person now.

For the first time in fifteen years, I'm giving up comics again, in the physical paper sense anyway, and Marvel is out of the picture because I'm seeing things get recycled as new and exciting and I'm old enough to know it's not and I've seen it before, and the writing is just so uninspired and weak and I bet if Marvel could clone Bendis so he could write every title then they would.

Part of me thinks that I need to give away fandom as well because I'm so bitter and twisted.

I stopped writing fanfic two years ago except when I dust off the old braincells each holiday season and hope I can pull a Yuletide out of my butt, so far so good. I stopped drawing fanart because what's the point?

Shit, I realised I've been writing New Warriors fanfiction for twenty years through good times and bad in that fictional suckhole that is the Marvel Universe. I read almost every fanfic story in that fandom that was written on the internet (except that shitty Russian porn one, the one before the other shitty Russian porn fics on AO3 were a gleam in their writer's eye). Haven't I earned a time to rest and sit back on my laurels? Where are my damn laurels?

There's this whole new generation of readers and none of those fuckers will write anything/contribute more than porn. That old adage that teenagers/new adults all have sex on the brain might be true if their shitty 'porn centric' fanfiction is anything to go by. That's the most I've written the word porn in a long time, lol.

And another thing, how is a fandom inspired network improved by selfies, reblogs of selfies, skyping, texting, and every other thing that has no-thing to do with the actual fandom? I'm looking at you New Warriors Network.

Don't even get me started on AO3 which is just about the most elitist place around (sorry Barb), only defend it if you haven't had dozens of comments and kudos from your besties on a fic in a popular fandom.

BTW is anyone else on Goodreads? That place is a nest of vipers wielding poorly formed reviews like those foam hands pointing ever so loudly at what they think is bad, by all means have an opinion but don't be a dick about it.

I'm waffling, what am I trying to say?

I barely spend time on LJ because hello, it's LJ and this place sucks ass. I ghost at DW because the tumbleweeds might rise up and take over soon. I slipped quietly out the back door of several forums because male shouting and chest thumping. My tumblr has become a never-ending cycle of reblogging cats, cats, more cats, gifs of cats, maybe a turtle or a shark, a piece of yummy food because PMS, oooo Jurassic World something, then a whole bunch more cats.

I think it's safe to say I'm phoning this whole online presence thing in.

Where are the connections and friendships? How sad is it that I feel lucky if people even reply to my comments or my messages? Do they not reply because tumblr is a terrible platform to form friendships on and that Yahoo is fucking with it constantly, or is it because people don't want to reply to comments, or maybe it's just my comments because who the fuck am I, and then there is the SJW faction, the help my dying pet posts, kickstarters, reblog if you think this do this don't do this want to be like this or because I can't be fucked doing my homework properly and it's due tomorrow?

Do your own fucking homework and do it properly you entitled little brat, and no I won't reblog your post because I don't fucking feel like it and I've been out of highschool for long enough to know I don't need you preaching your shitty judgmental gospel at me from your nappy pants.

In other words, it's all become too much.

When did being a decent person have to be something you talked about ad infinitum online? Why not just try being a good person quietly and normally like it wasn't a big deal to be decent to everyone else in the world and not some special thing you should get a fucking medal for. How does it hurt you to be kind?

Hmmm, I guess tumblr has worn thin on me. Expect a lot more cat reblogs in the near future.


So anyway, these are my thoughts this fine warm February evening (and no I'm not currently PMSing). I'm not asking for feedback or a discussion but if you feel inspired to write something feel free just be respectful of the fact that this is my safe place, my blog, my retreat, and you don't have the right to shit all over it because you strongly disagree about any of what I have written.

In the immortal words of Roger Murtaugh, "I'm too old for this shit!"

October 2017

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