supertights: Gif of a cat driving a car (I want to believe gif)
I want to be enthusiastic but I'm so damn tired right now.
I want to believe in myself but I don't believe I can do anything.
PMS paranoia has reared its ugly head again.
(Go NZ Flag voters, we get to keep old faithful!)
I did write an entire 50,000 word first draft in NaNo though,
so I can pry the words from my unyielding mind when the occasion calls for it.
supertights: Gif of a cat driving a car (Taxicat gif)
Don't kill me.

I didn't really like it, it looks bad. I was iffy about the last one but this one just... no. So many better movies to spend money on.
supertights: Gif of a cat driving a car (Taxicat.)
How disappointing in every way possible.

*edit* I don't know why I thought it would be any different from the last one.
supertights: Gif of a cat driving a car (Taxicat.)
Three Sentence Ficathon. I am still working on my NaNo, I can't be distracted! *is distracted for several minutes* GODDAMMIT!!!

Link is so I can find it again on Tuesday and hope it's still in progress:

Three Sentence Ficathon 2015

NaNo update

Friday, November 6th, 2015 08:49 pm
supertights: Gif of a cat driving a car (Taxicat.)
All goes well in NaNoland so far, I am where I want to be story wise after six days. My characters are singing to me, I love them so much! I haven't got to the real villain of the piece yet though, that one may want to claw my face off.
supertights: Gif of a cat driving a car (Taxicat.)
Ugh, body why do you do this every month? I hate you! I also side eye every comment made to me online and in real life so... *headdesk*

I got my Jukebox story back from beta, thank you lovely beta! Unfortunately it was done in MS Word, I don't have Word and the only compatible programme is playing merry hell with the comments portion.

Le sigh.

The feedback that I can read is excellent and has inspired me to burn the story to the ground and rebuild it, Million Dollar Man style; it will be stronger, faster, and more awesome than the original.

I need to do significant work on the characters, world building, cut two scenes, flesh out the remaining one, and just generally get my shit together in terms of my English language skills. I don't know how I've made it through life so long with a love of writing but only the barest understanding of formal sentence structure and grammar. That's the New Zealand education system at it's finest though; the cracks are so wide a building could fall through them.

The timing conflicts with NaNo so project Jukebox is being sidelined until later in the year or next year now.

Yuletide is a definite no go now. I can't trust myself to produce a work of quality for it. I can't see anyone wanting to write my requested fandoms. I do not like pinch hit fulfilments, they don't have the same sparkle as a story from someone in love with the fandom.

So I am tempted to go from "Planning" NaNo to "Pantsing" NaNo because the planning side is going against my nature as a spontaneous writer who makes it up as she goes.

Pantsing. Heh.


Saturday, October 24th, 2015 11:39 am
supertights: Gif of a cat driving a car (Taxicat.)
So um, maybe I don't do Yuletide this year, I talked about skipping it in previous years due to bad experiences but this year, committing to NaNo and possibly a post NaNo editing schedule, maybe I won't join in the Yuletide madness.

I failed to get a Jukebox story in which apparently pissed off the person who wrote a story for me because they never responded to my feedback on how great the story was. I feel bad about that.

I did a brief match up of what I'd want in Yuletide and there were no matches to my desired fandoms this year anyway, it feels like a no great loss situation. Anything that sparked I could write as a treat and feel obligation free.


Saturday, October 17th, 2015 11:32 am
supertights: Gif of a cat driving a car (Taxicat gif)
So I'm on target to do NaNoWriMo this year.

Characters fleshed out? Check.
Pushing past my comfort zones? OMG yes.
Worldbuilding? In progress.
Plotting? In progress.
Cover art ready to go? Guilty as charged.
Terrified of failing again? *noises like a fiery jet hitting the earth and exploding spectacularly*

So, is anyone else doing NaNo this year?
supertights: Gif of a cat driving a car (NW: Forever.)
My icon is NW Forever so it's ironic that I've been considering retiring from the New Warriors fandom.

I've loved this fictional team for twenty-five years (I'm so fucking old) so it's no small decision but I'm just not feeling it anymore. I already left that forum full of diehard male readers assholes who had to nitpick everything I posted. AO3 doesn't generate much. A look at the latest couple of fics on *shudders*

We're almost at the one year anniversary of the volume five series ending, it had so much promise but didn't quite click with readers for whatever reason, I loved those dorks.

Read more... )

Doot Doot

Saturday, October 3rd, 2015 01:33 pm
supertights: Gif of a cat driving a car (Taxicat.)
Anxiety attack at a formal full staff meeting this week, haven't had one like that for ages, I had to push the anxiety down so it didn't overwhelm me. Practically ran back to work afterwards, but the stomach overrode the brain and I stopped by the food table on the way out the door.

Yuletide is perking me up a bit too. I always say that don't I, up until I hate it again when no one wants to write in my fandoms. Pfft.
supertights: Gif of a cat driving a car (Taxicat.)
Where I deleted something off AO3 because I lost faith in myself and the age old anxiety kicked in, there are days like today that I want to go in and delete everything.
supertights: Gif of a cat driving a car (Taxicat.)
While it's true that I basically gave up during my nervous breakdown time, I am inspired by ariabauer to just write for the sheer love of it and build up my writing skills again.

My debt to fanfiction
supertights: Gif of a cat driving a car (Taxicat.)
I, of course, am not an expert in this. Let's be honest from the outset though, there are very few, if any, original ideas left in writing. There are simply original takes on things that have already happened at other people's pens.

Context: I'm trying to write a story for "an upcoming fandom exchange" that walks a fine line between original fiction and inspired by the "core material" while not being a word for word copy, an uses 'tropes sparringly but well.

Fantasy: I want it to be fun, quirky, sassy. I want it to be memorable.

Reality: At this point, I'm going to hope for the best. I'm not feeling my story at all, it's the second major attempt at writing something for this prompt, the first attempt didn't feel right even as I was writing it-- this one feels moderately better but meh overall. It feels a little violent, vulgar, and ugly.
supertights: Gif of a cat driving a car (Taxicat.)
So, yanow, warning for like, spoilers and stuff.

This movie felt like such a "Joss" movie, if you catch my drift. In other words, yucky! First minute in, my sister and I were saying how glad we were to have gone to the 2D viewing because, wow, busy screen full of lots of action and things happening, so many things, I had trouble following it all.

Stream of consciousness style, here we go.

Read at your own risk )

More comprehensive thoughts when you've been to the movie.
supertights: Gif of a cat driving a car (Taxicat.)
I speak of Jukebox of course. I feel overwhelmingly underprepared to write original fiction, even that which is based on song lyrics or a music video. Eek!


Sunday, April 12th, 2015 11:15 pm
supertights: Gif of a cat driving a car (Taxicat.)
Short and sweet this week.

All is meh in the world. I have signed up for two exchanges and my fandom requests are meeting with rejection, disdain even. I shall be dropping out of one very shortly, and risk dropping the other if things don't improve. I will not adjust my settings to make life easier for other people.

Work continues to be ugh.

My sister was surprisingly PMS this week, OMG I wanted to just silence her fucking tone of voice and the things she was saying to me.

On an unrelated note, I was thinking today, do the successes of Lil' Bub and Grumpy Cat make it easier in this world for non-average moggies to be adopted and loved. Not simply for perceived fame for a funny looking cat, but simply because people are changing their preconceived notions of what cats mean to us and whether having a perfect pussy cat is important anymore. If you can afford the upkeep of a cat with health issues, is there any reason not to give one a home and the love it certainly deserves? Thoughts to be thunk on.

I'm still not quite there myself personally, maybe one day in the future I'll be emotionally resilient enough to adopt again.
supertights: Gif of a cat driving a car (Fairytale love.)
Dear DJ

Oh how I love you for writing me a story, not in a stalker-love kind of way, but a very thankful, gosh you're a kind soul kind of way.

It will become clear that I don't know what the hell I'm doing, this is my first year in Jukebox so if I stuffed this up, please forgive me in my ignorance. Now I tried to do a cut and DW was not having a bar of it, so I'm so sorry but long post is really long.

Specifically for Jukebox: 
I like complex many-faceted characters who rise above the darknesses in their lives, characters that have human frailties and are flawed even if they have strength and power. I enjoy reading fairy tales rewritten in ways that reinvigorate the story and myths given new twists to make them contemporary. 

I am a sucker for superhero or super villain origin stories that feel new and original so if you want to take a run at that.

I like fantasy
 where characters are challenged mentally, physically, and emotionally, and come out changed (similar to McKinley's Blue Sword/Hero and the Crown, Bujold's Curse of Chalion and it's sequel, Brooks early Shannara works, Eddings Belgariad and Elenium series, etc).

I also enjoy reading science fiction that is more science based and with strong world building that links back to Earth and our odd customs, corruptions, and behaviours (Cherryh's works, Corey's Expanse series, Bujold's Vokosigan series).

I dabble in reading urban fantasy but only a toe in the water at the moment. So it could be anything really.

Steampunk, dieselpunk, cyberpunk - pick a punk and I probably don't really enjoy reading it.

I don't much care for reading a story and investing in the characters only for them to die in the last paragraph.

Where I say I don't like a thing, I sometimes mean that it triggers me and sometimes I mean
it just squicks me out, the majority of my don't likes are squicks so be sure to check if you're heading into known don't-like territory, I would prefer you had someone ask me. In a strange turn of events I can write violence but I can't read it. Violence towards animals has seen me throw things see also: poorly executed endings.

General stuff you might want to know about my likes and dislikes (I usually put this at the bottom but I feel the last few exchanges that no one read to the end because I got some don't likes which I not surprisingly didn't like):

I like:
Happy endings, fluff, crack, plottiness, hurt/comfort, kindness, height difference, love, tenderness, friendship, families being families, domestic fic, heroism, magic, fix-it fics, holiday fics, rule 63, touch, intimacy, delayed gratification, the mundane, mentors being awesome, secret identity failures, happy endings.

I don't like:
Explicit sex, bdsm (particularly dominance), violence or any combination of those (I won't make a list of kinks I don't like, just think vanilla-ish, yes, yes, I am boring, darling), fetishism, rape, non-con or dub-con, physical or mental or sexual abuse and anything that comes under those banners, self-harm, good going evil, dark themes, dark fic, a huge multitude of AUs, angsty angst with no resolution, character death, animal abuse and/or pet death. New thing: I can't read stories where the main character suffers from depression.

Other stuff:
Offensive language doesn't bother me. Slash/yaoi is all good and fine.

Requests (in no particular order):

Superheroes - The Script (Song) | Fanfic | Youtube | Lyrics

She's got lions in her heart, A fire in her soul
He's a got a beast in his belly, That's so hard to control
'Cause they've taken too much hits, Taking blow by blow
Now light a match, stand back, watch them explode

So when I listen to this song, I feel it's an origin story for some poor schmo who ends up with super powers or simply  just has them and is trying to hide it (like Heroes, Hancock, Greatest American Hero). I would enjoy anything that throws tropes on their heads. Disclaimer: I am so biased towards reading superhero stuff, ignore that and please explore this in any way you wish with any genre that you feel. I would enjoy anything written around this song and look forward to what you make of it.

Soldier's Angel - Stevie Nicks & Lindsey Buckingham (Song) | Fanfic | Youtube (song begins at 4 min mark | Lyrics

I am a soldier's girlfriend, As I look upon their faces
They make me remember my first love, And going out to dances
They make me remember Camelot, And being young
And taking chances, They make me fall in love again

I adore this song, Stevie sings about such emotive things - death, life, survival, grief, remembrance. This line in particular makes me think that the Soldier's Angel is ancient and has been a guardian spirit over many battlefields and bedsides. Who is she? Why is she bound to wander the earth watching over the dying?

Never Gonna Change - The Broods (Music Video) | Fanfic/Fanart | Youtube | Lyrics

In a moment, you've won
And you escape me, Like it's nothing
Like words I never should have said
And the stress comes to the surface
But all of the heroes are dead

I feel this one could be modern fantasy, maybe she's a witch who abides in a forest and he's cursed and seeking a cure, or she's cursed him and he's seeking forgiveness. I think there is scope to go in many different directions with this.

Team - Lorde (Song) | Fanfic | 
Youtube | Lyrics

Call all the ladies out, They're in their finery
A hundred jewels on throats, A hundred jewels between teeth
Now bring my boys in, Their skin in craters like the moon
The moon we love like a brother, while he glows through the room

Superheroes, fantasy, sci-fi, urban fantasy, fairytale - the choice is yours. I can think of a lot of possibilities but I leave you to yours.

Glory and Gore - Lorde (Song) | Fanfic | 
Youtube | Lyrics

Delicate in every way but one (the swordplay)
God knows we like archaic kinds of fun (the old way)
Chance is the only game I play with, baby
We let our battles choose us

So I don't even know, LOL, this could be anything. It feels like a song about fighting, fighting and then having some fun afterwards. It could be the story of an epic bar brawl in a fantasy pub, a cosplay battle between enraged fandoms, it's such a random song.

Diamonds - Rihanna (Music Video) | Fanfic | Youtube | Lyrics

I knew that we’d become one right away
Oh, right away
At first sight I felt the energy of sun rays
I saw the life inside your eyes

So what I take from this video is a woman who survives through all that troubles her in her life, she is strong in many ways but also fragile and clings to old loves who have been gone for a long time. An ancient witch smoking diamond laced tobacco to bring sharpened visions, shape changers, fleeing warlocks in war zones. Have fun with this one.

Wrecking Ball - Miley Cyrus (Song) | Fanfic | 
Youtube | Lyrics

We clawed, we chained our hearts in vain
We jumped never asking why
We kissed, I fell under your spell
A love no one could deny

Mess this one up a l little if you like, twist it, turn it, write it in a genre that goes against it, maybe one of them is AI, which is why they can't relate. Maybe the AI feels too much and it goes beyond programming and into stalking because the human feels too little. Rip it apart and rewrite it!

Addicted to You - Avicii (Music Video) | Fanfic | Youtube | Lyrics

Midnight blows in through the window,
Dances round the room...
Got me hypnotized,
I'm getting high on the perfume
Is this not the coolest fricking video ever? Two Bonnie and Clyde type bi ladies robbing and sexin' their way around the country. I love the vibe, that 1930's outlaw buzz, romanticising them as sexy outlaws. How did they meet? Why did they start robbing? What do they do with all the loot? So many other questions. Write anything you like.

Well, that was a marathon I hear you say. It was, I agree, but thank you for persevering. :)
supertights: Gif of a cat driving a car (Taxicat.)
This is mostly a friends locked journal, although with the waning interest in LiveJournal, I don't have that many active friends here, and some of what I write is made public.

Sometimes I suffer from crankiness which may or may not coincide with PMS (sorry 'bout that) but also with generalised stupidity of REAL LIFE or from what I read here and on other social media sites.

If you do comment, understand that I might delete your comment (if you are being a shit or trolling me), maybe I'll respond to it (more than likely), or I might leave it there and ignore it completely (if I'm cranky and I don't want to offend you if you are being a genuine human being).

If I do post publicly but am not inviting comments on the post at that time, I will lock it so you know I am cranky.
supertights: Gif of a cat driving a car (Taxicat.)
Another rant in my semi-regular programme of rants lately. It's very cathartic to vent on things that annoy you.

So I temporarily have a sign up for Night on Fic Mountain, that might and probably will change before the end of sign ups because all of my requests have a big fat zero against them and I don't want to go to a pinch hit list.

I've signed up to a few of these things now and pretty much each time I end up with a pinch hitter, the reason I know that it's a pinch hitter is because it could've been written from wikipedia entries, there is none of the little clues and hints that you're reading something that someone knew more than the basics, there is no soul.

My feeling is, as writers, because fanfiction writers will never not be real writers, we need to challenge ourselves just as much as our original fic comrades. Don't always take the easy fandom, you might not have anything new and fresh to offer it. Sometimes you'll find it's more gratifying to take on something more risky and write something that challenges you, forces you to write from unfamiliar character povs, or time periods, or genders, or comfort levels, the list could go on.

You won't get the enormous number of comments but surely that's not why you're doing this?

The first yuletide I participated in was the only time I didn't get what I consider a pinch hit story. What I read was from someone with more than a passing knowledge of the source material, they knew how the characters acted, how they moved and communicated with each other, something only gleamed from reading the book series my request came from.

When I wrote The Feline Specialist, I had watched Aliens a million times (or surely a few dozen), I know the source material, I loved Alien, I loved Jonesy and Ripley, I loved all of the characters in that particular movie except the one you're not supposed to love but even then, I loved his programmed villainy. It was a risk writing from the cat's pov but it paid off.

For Learning to Drive, I'd watched the film about three times over the last few years. I loved the source material, I loved the driver and I loved Betty, I yearned to know more about him and where he came from, how he met her, how things became the fucked up normal that things were in that film. It was risky to write it only having watched it three times but my ideas and the prompts were for things that had occured prior to the film so I was going to be worldbuilding a little, it was worth the risk. Maybe it paid off, maybe it didn't, I can't read into it to much.

There have been a few times where I was matched on my weakest offer and my attempts received mixed reviews, that's okay, I wasn't an expert and if anyone was an expert in that fandom they hadn't stepped up to write something better. I made an attempt, it was in one instance rejected, and one embraced and loved.

I weighed it up each time, take the risk and write in a fandom that I had only a passing familiarity to, or don't. What could I gain? What would I lose?

This NoFM I have signed up to write five passingly familiar fandoms, partially by choice, partially to push my personal writing envelope. It's a terrifying feeling. I am not a popular writer, I don't have a following, I don't have a bunch of people leaping out of the shadows to beta for me no matter what fandom I write in. I think sometimes that the requestors don't even know what to make of my efforts on their behalf but are almost all unfailingly polite to me, sometimes they rave, sometimes there are crickets for days.

I think what I'm trying to say is that if we all played it safe in these exchanges, no one in the truly rare fandoms would ever get a new story. If we all played it safe, we wouldn't find new fandoms to love and people to share them with. If we all played it safe and only wrote the new popular fandoms that have squeaked into these exchanges because they are new and haven't build up a firm and numerous following yet. We, doesn't that go against the concept of rewarding fans of rare fandoms?

It's fine if you have a solid idea for one of these "squeaked in" fandoms, but isn't it better to post it outside of the exchange and take on something truly rare in the spirit of the exchange?

In this years Night on Fic Mountain, it appears Agent Carter is the favourite, followed not closely by Forever (TV) and Jupiter Ascending. I ask you, are they rare? Truly rare?

My personal belief is that writers sign up hoping to get an Agent Carter and get something else entirely, something a little tougher than they expected, and how many default because it's too hard? Too many I think from watching how these things unfold after posting date.

And this is where I have an issue with pinch hits and why exchanges like Beyond Panels who have a history of posting the pinch hits publicly where the requestor can see that not a single writer wanted their requests-- any of them; well, it enrages me.There is something to be said for maintaining the illusion of dignity for the requestor-- no one wants to be rejected, even more not publicly rejected, no one wants to know they're holding up the entire exchange because their fandoms were "too hard" to write in. A smart moderator wouldn't have posted that publicly, that's why you have the pinch hitter's emails right? To do it privately? So fucking do it privately. The requestor knows because no gift has appears in their AO3, do you have to say it outloud for the whole world to know as well. Privacy, look it up.

So in closing this vent up tight, if I don't have a taker for any of my rare fandoms by close to sign ups finishing, I will drop out of writing in my five rare fandoms and not think twice on it. For my risk, I want a reward, and I want one from someone who actually gave a shit, didn't phone it in or more accurately, researched it in without feeling a thing for the fandom or the requestor. I don't want a shitty pinch hit that has no soul, I don't want to read something that doesn't sing to me about how much the writer loved writing it.

June 2017

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